meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
