Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
