she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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