my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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