I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
