Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
