I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
