Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
