not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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