You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
