I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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