Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
