i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
