ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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