Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
