found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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