using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
