I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
