I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
