Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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