I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
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