I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize