you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
