Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
