I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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