Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
