mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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