the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I touched a dick in church today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
