I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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