Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
