why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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