Already got asked if we're dating
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
