im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
