I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
