Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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