So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
