I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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