M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
