sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
