i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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