So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
