There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wear drunk well.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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