man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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