I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
