I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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