i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
