I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
