it's too hot outside to masturbate.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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