mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
