Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
