youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
