thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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