I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
