ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
worst night to have a conscience
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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