I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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