you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
