I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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