..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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