I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
