Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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