if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
