Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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