i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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