the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
