Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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