did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
