How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
