I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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