I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
