how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
