Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
