Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
