My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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