so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
