maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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