Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone came in the potted fern
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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