i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
