wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
