That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize