The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
