so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My vagina is officially offended.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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