i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
