Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
