Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
