she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
